Never Say Never ...

... Or Always And Forever

Dear Soul Friends,

Happy April to you all! I hope you enjoyed April fool’s day, and had a good laugh. I will never forget the moment when I was a child and my mum said to us that the summer holidays would be cancelled. She managed to be so serious about it and I still remember the feeling of relief that rushed through my body when she told us it was a joke.

Picture Credit: Author - April greeted me with a beautiful pink moon

Ah, the relief of finding out that something we find most unsettling not to be true. Our body relaxes, our breath slows down and a happy feeling emerges from the top of our head, washing every tension away. Today, it made me wonder - what if we used April fool’s day for our unhelpful thoughts and limiting beliefs? What if, in the moment of despair, we simply say to ourselves “haha, gotcha, April fool’s”?

Let’s imagine it is early in the morning and we are about to head off to work. We can’t find our car keys, we start to get stressed, we rummage through bags and coats while we start swearing, in our heads only one thought: “I am going to be late.”. What typically happens in such situations is that the thought doesn’t merely plant a seed in our minds. Like a snowball rolling down a mountain, picking up more snow and speed, other thoughts accompany this one simple (and maybe true) statement - the thought itself gained momentum and takes us onto a wild ride of catastrophising:

“I am always late. Why can’t I manage to be on time for a change? I will get in trouble if I am going to be late again. My co-workers will give me the looks. My boss will be mad. Maybe I will even get fired. If I get fired I won’t be able to pay my rent. I will have to live on the streets. I will starve. Oh my god, I will die.”

In improv theatre, we call this game “It’s Tuesday”. Every time someone says “It’s Tuesday”, the other person starts a rant of the awful things that will happen now because they forgot to finish some important task on that Tuesday. What if we interrupted this chain of thoughts with a simple “Haha, April fool’s”! Wouldn’t life get easier?

Every thought of ours can be questioned. Especially when we are unaware, we blindly believe what we are thinking. Byron Katie encourages us to ask us with every thought “Is this really true?”. The ego likes to exaggerate to keep us safe. Maybe we even learned this method of catastrophising in our childhood. “If you don’t empty your plate, the sun won’t shine”. As if the sun cared about my plate. On top of this, we overgeneralise. The words always, never and forever are powerful words and also generalisations, and if we are not careful, we can anchor a limiting belief deeply into the fabric of our being. If we hear these generalisations over a longer period of time, we may start to identify ourselves with these statements. “I am the one who is always late.” “I am someone who never keeps promises.” “I am always losing an argument.” “I will be alone forever.” We mistake these generalisations as an inherent truth, that forms our habits, behaviour and reactions. These sentences become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Picture Credit: Author (Created with Canva) - The spiral of thought

A belief is a thought we keep thinking. The issue is that to our negative biased brain, the negative beliefs stick around far easier. For me, my whole world shifted, when I realised that I am in charge of what I believe in. When I realised that I can simply train my brain to think differently, I felt like Jim Carrey in the movie “The Truman Show” realising that I was just living a story. Since then, I am always pruning the branches of my belief system, evaluating if I want to believe something or not.

However, mixing the words always, never and forever with empowering words truly transforms our lives. My ab-soul-ute favourite affirmation is “Everything is always working out for me”. These words build a potent safety net and are a powerful spell. I can tell you first-hand that indeed everything is always working out for me. Somehow, things magically fall into place, once I manage to let go of controlling the outcome. “You are never alone”, is another beautiful statement, which makes good use of the word “never”. The word “forever” is a tricky one. I’d say we mostly use it regarding our relationships, for example “I will love you forever”. This might be a good sentence if I am connected to the true meaning of Love, yet if I think this means to be bound to someone forever, to try to do anything to stay together with someone just because we think that’s how it should be, this “forever” can become a prison. So I’d say it is especially important to look at the words that surround the “forever”. Also, as language is deeply perceptional and personal, we need to figure out what these sentences mean to us and how they make us feel.

How do we explore our beliefs?

When checking our beliefs, our feelings are a perfect compass. They point us to what is truly aligned with our nature. Every thought that makes us feel contractive is simply far away from our limitless essence. Every thought that makes us feel expansive is taking us closer to alignment with our source. However, we need to take this experiment lightly. There are no good or bad thoughts, only helpful and unhelpful ones. And even the unhelpful thoughts are having their right to exist, as they are helping us to discern what we like and don’t like.

If we start to judge our thoughts, we might resist them, which then brings even more of them, as what we resist, persists (like “Don’t think of a pink elephant”). Instead, we can use the lightness of an April Fool’s day to simply redirect our unhelpful thoughts. When a small child explores the world, it picks up one item and can explore it for a long period of time. Children use all their senses to examine our magical worldly things.

Picture Credit: Author (created with Canva) - Rewiring our brains

What if we picked up each of our beliefs and explored it with childlike curiosity? I invite you to ask yourself, what do you truly believe in? What do you think is really your own belief, and which beliefs are inherited from others? Which of your beliefs feel expansive, which feel contractive? Anaïs Nin said: “We don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are”, and we are a tapestry of our beliefs, habits and behaviour. What we believe to be true we will see.

What do you wish to see? What do you want to believe in?

Picture Credit: Author - Ugly graffiti or seeing the heart of the day?

If taking the time to sit down and look at your beliefs seems too overwhelming, too exhausting or too frightening to you, I am here to lend a hand. I am taking on two new coaching clients in May. If you are interested in coaching sessions with me, please simply respond to this email or hit the message button below.

Of course, my coaching sessions include playing with poetry, writing exercises and lots of fun. I am here to make your way into your inner world light and joyful. In a short discovery call we will explore your specific needs and goals and from there I will tailor the sessions. Creative writing will always be a part of it, as it aligns body, mind and soul. The sessions could also include guided meditations, rituals, singing, painting, drawing, doodling, acting, making music - depending on which creative outlet speaks to your soul. I hold the space, you decide the pace. My support between sessions may take the form of emails, WhatsApp messages, tailored journals, prompt sheets or (channelled) poems. These sessions are not merely an infusion of information, they are an invitation into transformation. Together we will co-create the story of your life.

Unhelpful Thoughts

I will always be too late
I will never lose this weight
I will always be alone
I will never get this phone
I will never stop to worry
I will always be unmarried
I will never find the one
I will never get this done
I will never make it through
I will never get to you
I will always be a fraud
I will always be too loud
I will never be enough
I will never find my love
I will never leave this job
I will never climb the top
I will always be a fool
I will never finish school
I will never be on time
I will not escape this rhyme
unless I stop
and drop
these 
unhelpful
thoughts

Sadhbh Adamea

Picture Credit: Author - The Full Moon offers space for rituals

Poetic Prompt:

As a fun writing exercise I encourage you to write your own poem of limiting beliefs but then also create a positive version. You could even burn the one with the limiting beliefs, a wonderful ritual, especially around the Full Moon. Here is my take on a positive version:

Rewired

I will always be on time
I will always be just fine
I will always be enough
I will always find great Love
I will always get to you
I will always skip the queue
I will always be well-fed
I will always have a bed
I will always find a parking spot
I will always earn a lot
I will always find success
I will always clean each mess
I may never get it right
I may never get it done
but on this crazy ride through life
I will always have much fun!

Sadhbh Adamea

Save the date for a day of creation! In collaboration with Emily from The Grounded Ascent we will offer an immersion into the world of flow. Click on the picture to get to the event and booking page. Stay tuned, in the following days I will share more about the half-day retreat.

Picture Credit: Author (Created on Canva) - Come to our retreat!

Have the best Easter Weekend ever and always remember, you are not your thoughts!

Lots of Love,

Always feel free to reach out if you need a helping hand, a kind word, encouraging conversation or simply someone who listens.